Quarantine Book Review

April 26, 2020 NeeLeave a comment

So, the world has stop spinning and we are all stuck inside. Spring and maybe even Summer has been cancelled so why not catch up on all the books you been meaning to read but never have the time because your too busy adulting. I have not been quarantined due to my job in healthcare, but I have still managed to spend my weekends catching up on great books so I thought I would share some good titles with you. Hopefully being stuck in a good book will take you on some great adventures to take your mind off the fact that the only place your allowed to go is the grocery store, liquor store and hospital/doctor office. So here are some of the adventures I been on recently.

The Secret Child by Kerry Fisher. This was a new author for me, but the book caught my eye during a sale, and I decided to go with it. This book takes you on an adventure with Susie a wife that makes life decisions that not only changes her life forever but also her family life. Then we meet Louise Susie’s first child who grows into an adult with a upside down world due to her mother’s lie. Louise quickly learns that you should never judge someone based on their lies and skeletons because one day you will have your own. We also meet Grace and Danny in this story the daughter and husband of Susie. They both soon learn the effects ones lies can have over the people who are close to them. This story starts with an innocent night of fun and letting your hair down and it goes too far. Susie tells the ultimate lie to cover up an unforgivable act up and it ends up costing her sanity, love, trust and possibly her family.

This book was a good read. It made you realize that sometimes people lie not only to cover up something they did wrong but also to protect others from the hurt the lie could cause them. I could easily relate to Susie because we have all been in that place that we shouldn’t have and things go wrong and you wish that you could just erase that moment or maybe make a different decision in that moment. I could also relate to Danny and the kids because I have been the person who the lie has been told to and know the hurt and pain that comes with it. I know the effect that a mother, father or spouse lie could have over time on you even if it’s not directly your lie. The Secret Child by Kerry Fisher is a good book to curl up with when you need a little drama in your life but are tired off ratchet TV.

Children of Virtue and Vengeance by Tomi Adeyemi. Before I start on this book let me say how much I love Tomi Adeyemi as an author. I have only read one other book by this woman (that’s how good she is) but when I tell you she took me places in that book with her words.(dancing) This is part two of Children of Blood and Bone and if you have not read this yet please stop reading now and run and pick up this book. If you have read part one like me a year ago you know how eagerly we all anticipated this book dropping. I felt like a kid waiting on Christmas for this book. So, part two came out in the beginning of the 2020 and at that point I needed to refresh on where we left off. I reread part one before diving into the second part. In part two we pick up trying to find out how Zelie will put her life back together now that she has lost so much and fallen in love with the enemy. We quickly catch up with Zelie, Zane, Amari and Inan to learn the fate of Orisha and the crown.

Part two gave me goose bumps! After quickly rereading part one I dove into this book with eager eyes to know how this would end. Ms. Adeyemi took you to foreign lands and gave you magic with strong courageous characters along the way. She made us love Zelie but at the same time frustrated with her decisions and sprinkled in Zane and his love for his sister but his want and need to find his own way and new love with Amari. Then we were given Amari who made the ultimate sacrifice and turned on her family, fell in love with the enemy and her need to be accepted into a world she was taught would destroy her. This book takes you through the ups and downs of love, family, and life decisions. Ms. Adeyemi teaches us how to be strong but love and sacrifice all at the same time. If you like fantasy mixed with a sprinkle of real-life struggle this is the book to curl up with. This book will take you away with its magic and nail biting battles it will make you love, hate and cry. If you’re looking to escape your four walls to an enchanted place, try Children of Virtue and Vengeance and yes Tomi Adeyemi left us hanging with more to come in this series.(dancing)

The Life We Bury by Allen Eskens. This was a new a new author for me again. This book starts a little slow but quickly drew me in introducing me to a college kid Joe Talbert who had a hard childhood and was looking forward to college to get away from his mom who was an abusive but was a little scared to leave his younger brother behind. Joe writes the life story of convicted murderer Carl Iverson as an English project and quickly learns a book should never be judge by its cover or other readers. He learns things are not as they appear with Carl and this book takes off on a page turning adventure to find out if Carl Iverson is really a murder or is there more to his story. Along the way you meet Lila a girl Joe lives next door too and has a huge crush on and you also get to know more about Joe’s younger brother and why Joe was hesitant to leave him behind.

This book was a page turner it kept you guessing and intrigued to know if Carl was who Joe and the world thought he was. This book teaches that people sometimes can be given a title before anyone reads fully into them to knew the full story. I would love to read more books by Allen Eskens because this was surprisingly an exciting read and very emotional at times. So, if you are looking to escape for a little murder mystery that keeps you on the edge of your seat this is a great one to read.

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Stay with Me by Alexandria House. This is another series by House that will warm up your quarantine nights. You meet Angela Strickland a forever single woman. She has everything going for her great career, nice looks, financially stable but she has the worst luck with men. You quickly learn that Angela has tried every type of man but Mr. Right. She finally has given up on trying to find him and settle into just being a single girl with a great career until Ryan Boye’ comes along. Ryan is a lady’s man and does not believe in relationships. He never allows a woman to get to close to him and thinks any man who does is a fool. Ryan has it all good looks, charm, great career and an accent that make women swoon. When Ryan and Angela cross paths things heat up quickly.

I have read one other series by Alexandria House that was good and this one did not disappoint. I have not finished this series yet, but I will. Alexandria House gives you romance, hot steamy sex and unbelievable detailed relationships that most of us in real life will never have but that is why we read right? The House books are great if you need to fill the lonely nights with romance or if you looking to just spicy things up at home. These series are great reads if you like romance if not they are way too steamy for you and I also suggest this and other books in the series for adults only. Ms. House can get a bit too dirty for the young ears.

Ethic by Ashley Antoinette. So, this series is by an author who I discovered years ago when I was younger. I loved her books then but stepped away from the books to discover new genres and have just come back to find she has written so many new books to dive into. Ethic is a 6-part series by Mrs. Antoinette. In this book you will meet Ethic a powerful man in the streets who loves as hard as he plays but his street play will not allow him to be happy. You find out that Ethic has lost two major women in his life and refuses to love again due to fear of losing and Ethic is a man who never loses. Ethic has 3 kids two who are his own and a teenage girl Morgan who he is raising as his own after she lost her family to the streets. Ethic is doing everything in his power to keep from losing Morgan to the streets like he lost her family and being a great father to his kids all while being the king of the streets. Along the way Ethic meets Alani. A woman like no other he has ever had in his life and he falls hard and fast for her. Ethic is scared to love again knowing his street karma always comes back to collect but Alani takes him places with her love he has never been before. You will also meet Messiah in this series. Messiah is Ethic’s right-hand man and like a brother to him but when he sets his sights on Morgan it does not end well.

I have read through book 4 of this series and this series is a page turner. From the moment you start this journey with Ethic you become immersed in his world and feel every up, down, pain and torment he goes through. You will fall in love with Alani and feel her struggle to love Ethic after the ultimate crime is committed against her. You will laugh, cry and feel pain for Morgan as she loves for the first time with a forbidden fruit. Ethic is a spin off from Moth to a Flame by Ashley Antoinette. All of Mrs. Antoinette books tie in her characters who you come to love, hate, and sympathize with. This series has been one of the best I have read in a while. If you like a good street book with a little romance on the side this is a series, you should start. Mrs. Ashley Antoinette is married to an author JaQuavis Coleman who’s books are also great. So, check him out also if you want the streets from the male point of view.

I hope this book review finds everyone healthy and happy maybe a little bored but that is ok if your alive and healthy enough to acknowledge your boredom. I wanted to give a book review to give everyone some material to read while cooped up in the house. I do plan to blog more but unfortunately; I have been working as an essential worker and not able to blog as much as I would like. I hope the books helps to bind your quarantine time and give you new adventures and characters to love.

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New Year-New You

December 22, 2019April 28, 2020 NeeLeave a comment

So, 2019 is ending. It’s an end to a year and an end to a decade, but for most, it will also be an end to many other things. The new year should be a time to look back, reflect and learn from all the lessons given and to rejoice from all the blessings received. You have spent 325 days learning, giving, receiving, having highs and lows and now for the next few days left in this year reflect on what you have learned, what you need to learn, and what you hope to gain and release going into a new year. This new year is a little different because it’s also the end of a decade. So not only are we reflecting on 365 days we should be looking over the last 10 years or 3650 days. I get it that’s a long time a lot to reflect on but if you are like me you keep a journal so it’s a little easier to reflect. If you don’t journal but are like most people nowadays you keep pictures which is like photo journaling so you can use those photos to help reflect. If you do neither just take a quiet day or two when you are alone and sit and think of the last 10 years and what you have been through and what you have learned, loss, and received. Reflecting on the last year or 10 years will help to prepare you for the next year or 10 years it will help you set goals it is like drawing a map of where to go and how to drive for the next journey. So, this is an important step before the year starts. I know we all want to drink, relax, eat and be merry but how can you take a journey without a map of where to go.

The ending of this year and decade as I said will bring a close to many chapters in your life, but it will also start new chapters and bring new exciting adventures. Unfortunately for me many people or things will not make it to this next chapter for the new adventures that lie ahead. I believe in spring cleaning before the year starts and when I say spring cleaning I’m not speaking on my closet. I believe in letting go of people and things that were not healthy, supportive, and or productive to my journey. So, this is a great time to delete people from your phone, social media sites, and your life who are unimportant because they are not contributing to your mental, physical or emotional wellbeing. These people are the ones who are never your cheerleaders just your naysayers or the ones who always want to speak on the negative things in their life and yours when you speak with them. They are the gossipers the ones who have nothing going for themselves, but they always want to give you all the advice. We should leave these people in the past there is no room in your future for people who are not up to cheer for your next adventure or give supportive advice or just understand that sometimes all we need is good vibes, not negative ones. I don’t want to hear about how much your life sucks, or who did what with who, or “woe is me” every time I speak with you. Say something positive. I believe in speaking things into existence. So, speak on what you want to will into your world. This also goes for things like your job or events you attend. If those things don’t help only hurt your mental, physical and emotional wellbeing leaving them in the past. Find a new job, say no to events you don’t want to attend (and you do not have to give a reason, NO is enough), stop buying things you don’t need and that not contributing to your future and save for things that will.

This post is not all about leaving people and things behind it’s also about start new. A new year and a new decade should bring grand new adventures. I’m looking forward to all the new things 10 years will bring for me. In the next ten years, I will watch my child start high school and graduate I will also watch her meet great milestones in her life. I will hopefully purchase my first home, travel overseas, and reach my 40-yr old milestone. There will also be many adventures in between that I cannot foresee and plenty of challenges to overcome and learn from but the blessing in it all is that 1. I’m alive to do it and see it. 2. I will have great family and friends by my side to experience it all. 3. Life is what you make it. It can be an adventure full of ups and downs or Hell with torment and sorrow you make it what you want. I believe we write our own life story and your story can be as exciting as you want or as miserable as you want. For me, I want a love story with a little adventure and very little horror/mystery.

There are things I also wish we could leave in this year/decade so I compiled a list that I would like to see stay in the past of 2019

Things I do not want to see in the new year/decade

1. People using the speaker on their cell phone in public while yelling into the phone at the highest level they can achieve. no one cares to hear your conversation and its very rude. I don’t care that you own the phone you don’t own the space. Try to be respectful of others.

2. Donald John Trump. Now I don’t care what your political stance is I’m just sick of hearing his name on TV, Radio and social media every time I want to just scroll mindless for a few minutes or enjoy music or tv. (please leave him in this decade!)

3. Reality TV. I’m over it was good for a decade. Can we leave it behind now? Can we go back to normal shows with fake characters (that we know are fake) and decent plotlines? I don’t need another show making someone a star or people fighting over the same guy/girl because where they are from its a shortage of the opposite sex. Just good shows you can watch as a family’s and hope that you don’t need to send your kid out of the room because the show will turn into soft porn or a cussing fest mid-show. Bring back TGIF shows.

4. Mumble Rap and Singers. Maybe I am getting old and my hearing is going but I swear every time I turn on the radio on the people rapping or singing was never taught to enunciate their words properly in Elementary school because I can never understand what’s being said and when I look up the lyrics I’m like “it’s no way that’s what they are saying”

5. Social Media lies. I hope we leave behind the fake lives of social media where everyone has perfect families perfect bodies and travel every day to the most exotic places on the globe. People look at these people and try to live up and compare themselves to what they are seeing on social media, but those images are as fake as a reality tv show. You are getting a snipped (that has a filter and has been edited many times) of someone’s life it is not the whole picture. You are not seeing the struggles, pain, sacrifice, and work that was put in to have this small snipped of their life.

So it’s a new year another chapter in your book of life. Make it great. Write and create the life you want we only get one chance to write this story so make it bold, beautiful and full of the things you want and love. Don’t waste this new year and new decade with things and people that don’t mean you well. Eat better so your story can last longer. Friend/relationship better so your story can be enjoyable with great people. Do things that make you happy stop spending so much time just working and building and never enjoying. Read, write, travel, connect/reconnect, exercise, create and enjoy the journey.

Great Reads for Nights by the Fire

November 17, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

So, it’s been a while since I posted on this blog. Sorry it has been a busy few months, a mother’s job is never done. So I’m back with some great books for your cold winter days and nights when you just want to snuggle up with a great book and cozy blanket and let your mind wonder off to a new adventure or a place other than the stress-crazy-chaotic life you are currently living. Let’s be honest that’s why most of us read to escape to a place where we can be or do anything we would never do in our real lives.

My first book With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo is one that I just finished and let me say this book took me by surprise with its inspirational story and relatable characters. This book is listed under Young Adult but make no mistake this book is relatable no matter what age because let’s be honest we have all been young or moving into becoming a young adult .

Emoni Santiago the main character takes you through her ups and downs as a high school senior with a small child, a Hispanic grandmother who is fighting her own struggles while raising Emoni a child she never asked for and a father who fights everyone’s fights but his own. Emoni reminds you what it’s like to have a dream. She aspires to one day be a great chef. That dream seems unreachable at times, but she is reminded by family and friends to keep dreaming until it becomes her reality. Through this book you will remember what it’s like to be a child again struggling with moving into adulthood and making decisions that will set your course adulthood. You will walk through shoes of a young woman who is not only making tough decisions but doing all this while dealing with family, financial, relationship, friendship and racial struggles.

This book for me was like reading poetry at times. Ms. Acevedo helped to paint this beautiful picture with many colors and emotions through her story of Emoni Santiago and her need to reach people through something as simple as food. This book was a great read for me, and it open me up to a new author Ms. Elizabeth Acevedo who has other books The Poet X, Beastgirl and Other Origin Myths, Clap When You Land and I’m sure more to come.

The next great read is a series by Alexandria House the McClain Brothers series. This is a steamy romance series that is sure to turn up the heat in the room. This series is 4 books about brothers Everett, Leland, Nolan and Neil and their stories of ups and downs while perusing the women in their lives.

Now I know most people don’t like romance books because they tend to be really cheesy and over the top but this series gives you real life with a touch of cheesy over the top “I wish my man would do that” romance and lots of steamy sex moments that would make even the most experience adult blush. I recommend these books if you are looking to mix it up or just dream of Mr. Right. Alexandria House has other series, but I have yet to check out any other books by her. Ms. House knows how to bring the steam and romance and I will be checking out more books by her in the future.

The last book I read was one I just finished it was Monday’s Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson. This book deals with friendship, loss, abuse and love. Reading this took me on an emotional roller coaster because when you think you have what’s going on figured out Ms. Jackson throws you for a loop in this book and you find yourself learning a different path and more about the main character Claudia and her friends. This book touches on so much of what’s going on in today’s world how we are so busy and have been taught to be emotionless and mind our own business that when things happen right under our noses we don’t even see it or we see it and ignore it because it’s not us. I suggest everyone reads this book. I know it’s a Young Adult book but how can relate to our kids, talk to our kids, or understand our kids if we don’t read, watch and discuss what they go through, see and talk about every day. Great read for all adults and young adults alike.

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Woman vs Woman

June 26, 2019June 26, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

As women we endure so much. We carry, raise and nurture our children we support our men we are the backbones to our families; we are the shoulders for our friends to cry on and we are forever strong through adversity. Through it all most women never break or waiver (at least not in front of others). We are strong and fierce, but we have a hard time acknowledging other women and their strengths who are doing and going through the same struggles as we are. Have you ever been out, and a woman will stare at your clothing or your hairstyle as if she would like to give you a compliment, but she is afraid to? Why as women can we not support, compliment and love each other without rivalry or jealousy?

As a woman when I see another woman who is beautiful or is dressed nice my first thought is to compliment her, but all women are not approachable. So, women will give you the look of “what are you looking at” some will simply turn away while others will stare you down in a challenging way that makes you decide not to compliment. Why as women do, we do this? I think the answer comes from how we are raised and society standards for us. From as early as preschool most girls are taught to think you are much prettier than the next girl. Parents will often say “you are the prettiest” or “you are the best” not with the intentions of making you think you are better than anyone its usually terms of endearment and love. As we grow into young women and have our first heartbreak the first thing your friends and parents say when the boy chooses another girl over you is “his loss, you are better than her”. Now we also have TV and social media comparing women to each other constantly saying who whore it better, who is prettier, who has a man versus who don’t, and the list goes on. I think hearing these things constantly through your life as a girl to a teen to a woman makes you become naturally completive to all other women. It makes you see other women as the enemy or someone you need to out do in life. As a woman, mom and a wife whenever I’m with other women the first thing we do is talk about how our kids are better than the next woman’s kids or how we have a man and she can’t keep hers from straying or gossip about a complete stranger and how she is dressed or how her hair looks. This is the normal in most women groups no matter race, social status or age.

I watched an interesting show yesterday that touched on race and women interactions with each other touching mainly on black women and white women interactions with each other. The show was Red Table Talk hosted by Jada Pinkett-Smith on Facebook Live. On this show they discuss how and why women treat other women the way they do. This had me thinking about my own interactions with women both of my race and others and how do my interactions change based on race, age or social status. I can be honest and say that my treatment of women of other races is completely different from how I treat a woman of my own race. After careful thought on why I feel it’s because you feel a women of your own race can relate to race issues and struggles and have more sympathy for your struggles than women of others races but with that being said I also compete harder with women of my own race when it comes to looks and obtaining a man/dating. I think this thought is how can I compete with someone who has completely different characteristics than I do but the woman who looks more like me I can out do. This does not mean I don’t snub my nose at other women but the competitive drive increases if we are of the same race, social status and even age because now the playing field is leveled.

So as women how do we overcome this stigma of competing with our fellow mothers, daughters, sisters and strong women? Can we support the next women in her business endeavors or help when we see a fellow mother struggling with her kids in public versus shunning her and thinking she is just a bad mother who can’t control her kids.? Can as a strong woman we acknowledge we will lose no power by helping, advising and loving the next woman who has yet to find her powers? I ask these questions while affirming I need to do the same. We need to help build with other women not destroy, demean or snub our nose at because society does this enough without help from other women who understand and know how hard it is to be a mother, a wife, a working woman in a man’s world or just a backbone to bear the world’s problems. We should love each other as if this is your sister, daughter, mother or girlfriend because support is the best thing you can give anyone.

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Raising Queens in The Land of Peasants

April 7, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

Raising a girl to become a great woman of the world is a hard job and one that comes with great responsibility. In today’s world where looks play a vital role in how women are viewed how do you raise a girl into a queen who brings more to the table than just looks or a banging body? Raising girls challenge you in every way from teaching them to be strong and independent but also keeping their soft sensual side. Teaching them that brains are just as important as beauty but not getting lost when you don’t fit into societies mold of what beauty is. Helping the girl turn into a beautiful queen is laborious when at every turn she challenges your every move. This is a job for only the strong and only a queen can turn a girl into something that not only a man will love and adore but that the world will be captivated by.

I’m raising a daughter and there are so many things I need to teach her before she is ready for this world and ready to call herself a queen. I need to teach her things like how to sit properly when she has on a dress/skirt. How to speak up for herself but not seem demanding or overbearing. She needs to learn to be independent but still understand you can always ask for help and will always need people. She will learn things that are small but still important like how to apply makeup appropriately for the occasion and how to select the correct undergarment for the outfit you are wearing or something as small as the difference between dressing for business causal to cocktail occasions. All these things seem small and useless until you are a woman navigating the world and have never been taught these things. How many times have we seen a woman who has on inappropriate undergarments for what she is wearing or shows up to an event that requires after five attire in a sundress and we wonder why she doesn’t know any better? these are things that you must be taught and not only taught but demonstrated. As the mother to a soon to be queen I must teach and demonstrate all these things and more. My jobs as her mother and mentor has been and will continue to be for years to come to teach the young queen(my daughter) and help her to understand why we do these things not “just because I say so”.

I must also teach the young queen about men and how to deal with men. This job will also require the help of a man whether it’s her father, grandfather, uncle, brother, or any GREAT man that is in her life or all the above. As a woman there are aspects of the man I can’t teach, don’t understand and can’t show from a man’s perspective. We as women feel we can do it all, but we can’t some tools we just don’t possess. When picking the man to help lead the young queen he must have a certain character. This must be a man who carries himself as a king just like the queen you can’t raise royalty if you are less than. He must teach and lead with the qualities that you would one day want your daughter to find in a man or mate that she will one day share her life with. He also must lead by example of what a man should be. He needs to demonstrate to the young queen how a man treats a woman based on how he treats the women in his life, he needs to show her how a man leads his family and commands attention in the world. Now that you have an example of what a great king is for the soon to be queen now you must teach her how to command a mans attention. When raising a young queen in this world of half-naked, change your body, put on too much makeup and false hair women. We need to teach the queen how to command a man’s attention without demeaning herself. Teach her to have great self-esteem and love her beauty that was given to her and to accept her flaws because that’s what sets her apart from other queens. I will teach my daughter that a man is naturally attracted to women (if that’s his sexual choice) without anything extra so be yourself carry yourself with dignity, pride and respect and he will be captivated by you. Yes, men love the women who show everything and give away sex so easy but “anything worth having is worth waiting for” (author unknown). I will teach my daughter that a king/great man will want a great woman as his wife. Not the woman on Instagram showing off her assets and posing with her ass out. He does not want a wife that everyone in the world has had and can compare notes about. How can he treat you as a queen when you are laying with the peasants?

I want to raise my young queen to grow into an independent great queen who makes her own rules, money, and decisions in life. I will teach her that marriage is not required but preferred because sharing your life with a partner who is your best friend, confidant and lover makes life more manageable and happy. She will understand that independence does not exclude your partner it just means you don’t have to depend exclusively on your partner. She will also be able to look at herself every day and see greatness. This does not mean she will not see her flaws it just means she will embrace them as something that makes her different. As a great queen she will be taught to look at other women and be confident and comfortable enough in herself to compliment and except another woman’s greatness without feeling threaten. She will be willing to give compliments to another woman and be genuine with her compliments. My young queen will learn to exude sensuality without the need of showing off things that should be left to the imagination. She will have a great personality that will attract friends and people who will be happy to be in her presence and follow her lead in the world. To be a queen you must be a great leader not follower and people have to love and respect you in order to follow you.

So how do you raise your queen with all these great qualities? You must first post possess these qualities yourself. A person can’t teach great character if you have none yourself. Second you must lead by example. Show your young queen that you are not only teaching her these things, but you are her biggest example. Kids learn the most by emulating what they see. You as her mother her example and her queen can’t lead with the mind set ” do as I say not as I do” or “I’m grown you can’t do what I do” If you want her to become great lead a great example and exude confidence and greatness. I hear so many moms correct their children because they do things that are wrong like cursing, hitting, yelling to have their way etc.. but you do the same and they have learned from you this is the way to handle things because mom handles things this way. You must as the example practice what you preach, and I know it’s hard but as I said at the beginning this is not a job for the weak. now that you are leading by example it takes a village so remember to only allow people in your village who are following what you teach to have contact with the young queen. In royalty only the elite are allowed in the inner circle and you must think this way no bad examples should be allowed to be set for the young queen. Now I understand you have no control of the outside world and the contact it will have with your child but control what you can and when she steps outside the home, she will know how to conduct herself and who and what is worth her attention and what’s not. Provide your daughter with the best neighborhoods, schools, and activities that you can so you can feel that when she steps outside of your care, she is in the best that can be provided for her. If you provide all these things and the right upbringing the young queen will know she can come to you for advice or questions when she encounters things she doesn’t understand or things that are different then what she has been taught. You must also remember to listen to her when she speaks and use every moment to teach and nurture her mind. Understand what you are not willing to teach the outside world will. What you are not willing to talk about or listen to someone else is and they might give false information. Allow your daughter to experience as much as she can from travel, foreign languages, cultures, religions, music, books, etc… because the more she experience in the world the more she will understand and be able to relate to. How can you lead and have others follow if you only experience a small portion of what’s in the world? Let the young queen have the freedom to express herself within age appropriate boundaries don’t allow her to grow to fast (it’s painful). I tell my daughter all the time ” you have a small amount of life as a child and a large amount as an adult, be a child enjoy the kid side as long as possible”

Now that your queen has all the tools to become a great queen watch her grow and become a queen that you can be proud of and marvel at all that she has to offer the world. Watch as she falls in love and have a man/woman that will appreciate everything that she has to offer as a wife, friend and person. Watch as she creates her own lanes in life and mold the world to fit her greatness. You will beam with pride as your queen steps into your shoes as the queen, teacher, provider, and great woman of the world and you will be proud to say you help to conceive greatness. Love to all the queens in the world and to those who are up and coming.

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”-Mohadesa Najumi

“She is water. Powerful enough to drown you soft enough to cleanse you deep enough to save you.”-unknown

Love you guys and hope you enjoyed the post-this is for my young queen-love you more than words!!

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“FIGHT OR FLIGHT”

March 31, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

“Fight or Flight”

As I was reading a book this saying came up “Fight or Flight”. It started to make me think how this can be applied to our everyday life. I’m a mother and with the tone of our country as of right now I find myself always having to explain something in the news to my daughter or teach her something based on what’s going on around us. One subject that I found that touched on this subject of “fight or flight” was teaching my daughter about giving and getting consent before touching or invading someone’s personal space. We have been talking about this subject due to several things in the news lately and I was explaining to her if someone disrespects you in anyway stand your ground speak up to not only that person but to others around you that might have witness it. We live in a time where people would rather witness and record than help and fight. I told my daughter to always speak up no matter the consequences or how scared you may be because must fight to be respected and running or “flight” from the problem will not solve it or teach the person to respect you in the future. As an parent also as a adult this “fight vs flight” lesson is hard to teach and even harder to do. How often as adults do, we take “flight” from a situation whether at work, our social life, family or out in the world because we are afraid of the outcome or reaction people will have. We are afraid to stand and fight for what we believe in because we don’t know what the outcome will be or if people will like us for our stand. I am always asked by friends, family members, and coworkers to fight (speak up) for them because I’m very strong willed and opinionated. Having someone fight your battles does nothing for you just teaches people you are weak and that they can take advantage of you when no one is around to fight for you.

We have arrived at this place of not fighting for our cause because the world today teaches us that fighting for what you believe or justice for yourself could cost you your career, money, your social status, your relationship and more. So many people are not willing to lose these things so they will allow people to treat them in any manner to hold on to things that mean so little when you have no respect or dignity. How many times in the media or in your life do you see someone accused of something and before the facts can be given and validated, we condemn them. I have witness people around me fight for what they believe in or fight to take a stand against an injustice just to be treated worst then the person/people that are causing the injustice. The world we live in today people like to believe in who is more popular or who has more social clout or more money. No one cares to wait for facts or evidence it’s like being in High School whoever is the most liked and has the most clout automatically gets the vote of being factual.

As people as mother and fathers as individuals we need to learn to stand our grounds and fight for what we believe in or what we want and teach our children to do the same. This means standing your ground no matter what the circumstance is whether it’s in public, work, social circles, family, religion etc.. We also need to learn to respect others fight. We don’t all have to be the same or believe in the same thing, but we do have to learn to respect others fight. Stop condemning people because you don’t understand, never been through, or can’t understand their fight. Instead try asking questions and learning and try to understand why this person is fighting, why this person feels the way they do, and how did things get to this point. Running (flight) from your problems will only cause more problems and before you realize it your problems are bigger than you can sometimes fight. So, learn to have “Fight vs Flight” in life. Side note the book I read that this thought grew from was “The Darkest Child” by Delores Phillips. It’s a great read and will inspire you to fight and stand for the things that life throws at you.

Have great day and don’t forget to comment, like, follow, and share for more blog posts.

Advice · family · Parent · Uncategorized

When Active Kids Kill Family Time. How Active is Too Active?

March 17, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

When does having an active kid become bad for family time? Now I know most parents would agree activity is great for kids versus sitting on the couch watching TV or playing video games but where should we draw the line with activity? Now I have a 13-yr old daughter who is very active with sports with everything from Martial Arts to Cheer and many other sports in between but I’m not going to lie its stressful at times and cost a small fortune but just like most parents I look at the benefits not the bad things. So, I started thinking how does the overactive kids effect family time long-term? and is it worth it? So, let’s talk about the pros of active kids

Keep kid fit/active
develop friendships/social skills
keep busy with structured activity
helps to develop talents/passions
learn to push yourself/discipline
help to relive overly energetic kids
build self-esteem
Improve job/school prospects
Learn new skills
Helps parents feel good that they are participating in kid’s activity/life

Now as a parent I can agree with all these pros and I can even say most are why I signed my kid up at the young age of 6 for her first sport which was cheer. I had a kid who had exercise induced asthma and I was looking for a way to help build her tolerance to activity without coughing spasms and sports especially outside sports seemed great. I can also agree it made me feel great as a parent that on Saturdays my kid was not just sitting in front of a TV eating snacks and I also was a proud mother every time she succeeded or learned a new skill. All these things are great for her and us as parents it opens up a whole new world for her with sports as she gets older and helps to build friendships outside of school for more social interactions but at what cost? Let discuss what too much activity can do…the cons

More friends= more playdates/birthday parties invite
poor eating habits
strain on family relationships/resources
low energy/sleep deprived
strain on school (grades, work, social interactions)
struggle with verbal and creativity

Now before anyone attacks me and say none of this is true this does not apply to every kid or every family but there are families who have several kids and these children are in several sports and most of this these negative things affect them. I will speak on my family and what the impact of having a kid who participates in multiple sports have on our family. The more sports or activities your kid joins the more friendships he/she will develop. This means more party invites, playdates, sleepover’s, gifts for holidays that need to be purchased and kids you must learn to keep up/interact with their parents. This becomes a job within itself. I can’t tell you how many kids over time I have met along with their parents and can’t remember how I know them or where I know them from. let’s not forget the parents you now have to deal with that you are not fond of but because your kid loves their kid you are instantly linked. Than the eating habits… it’s a lot of eating on the go if you are a busy parent this means a lot of trips to fast food or quick oven meals because you are home either late or leaving very early (kids in weekend recreational sports). So, you are no longer getting many homecooked meals with veggies/fruits just whatever you can feed your kid and you in the car fast or cook within 15min once at home. Yes I know if your kid is active all the carbs are not too bad for them but what about us parents who are just carting them around and sitting and waiting we are the ones losing because we are tired and eating a lot of junk that normally we wouldn’t eat but because we have no time or energy we consume it. Now its bed time and if your kid is like mine they have homework, showers, and bed time routines that now need to be done and we are already late getting home due to a meet or game that ran over or started late so now your kid and you are getting to bed late and rushing through study/homework time. This long term can cause so many issues in families because you are no longer sitting down as a family for dinner or family time so there is no discussing of your day or interactions with friends at school. So, if problems are arising at school socially you are not aware until they are pretty bad. Mom and Dad are having less time together and kids are having less time to just be kids and do things like play, create, think without being told to perform. The kids are having less time with friends or family members outside of their sports/activities because there is practice, games, meetings, etc.. These overactive kids are no longer spending time at Grandparents homes on the weekend, camping, riding bikes, watching Saturday morning cartoons they are too busy with sports and activity to enjoy normal kid activity.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not pulling my kid out of her sports or taking a hiatus but after reading a few articles on this and living it I know that having a very active kid has its pros and cons. In my family we only have one child and both her father, and I have jobs that are flexible enough to fit the activity schedule and still allow time for family time here and there. We try hard to sit as a family at least once or twice a week for dinner. We use the time in the car to and from sports to talk about the school day, friends, work day etc… Most sports are played through school, so we usually have the summer for family time. We try to utilize summer free days the most we can with things like going to the movies, travel and talking with our kid. I say all of this to say active or non-active kids and families need time to just enjoy and relax. Kids should not be required to be so overactive that they are not properly sleeping, eating and having a normal social life. Sports and activities should not be used to babysit your kid this is time for the kid to develop new skills or increase their level of a skills they have already. This is also a great way for social skill building outside of school but when you have a kid who is over worked, tired and agitated this does not work out well and just causes the kid, parents, coaches and team members to become irritated with your child(we have all seen it happen that one kid that no one likes to see show up). So, keep the kids active within their limits and only allow them to do sports and activities they enjoy not what you want them to enjoy. Also keep sports/activity within the family budget don’t go without or take away important things like family vacation to pay for sports/activity because it’s probably not that important to your child. You had your chance to be a kid let them enjoy theirs.

Enjoy your Sunday and don’t forget to Follow, Like and Comment. Love you guys.

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Spring Flowers Bring Spring- Cleaning

March 4, 2019April 28, 2020 Nee1 Comment

Spring. Clean Out the Old Bring in The New.

Spring time is a happy time. We finally leave the cold, wet, dark winter behind. You can now wear cute spring tops and sandals versus the fifty layers winter requires. You can now open windows and air out your home that has been closed for months with no fresh air. Spring is also a time for cleaning out and starting new things. Some people start new gardens or plant new flowers some buy new furniture or pullout new décor for their home. I believe it should be all those things but also a time of cleaning not only your home but yourself/soul. What I mean by that use spring as a time to clean out and rid yourself of things that are no longer needed in your life. Bad relationships, Friendships that are meaningless, jobs that are not fulfilling you etc… Spring is a time of renewal and just like an old garden or a junky closet we as people need to be cleaned out and refreshed.

So where do we start? First start with the basic spring-cleaning of your home. Before you start any project gather your supplies. Take inventory of your cleaning supplies. No need to run to Target and buy things you already own. Check what you own and make a list of what you need. Throw out any old rags or sponges that have seen better days, throw out bottles that have only a drop of cleaning solution in them (we all have them). Check your mop, broom, dusters, and vacuum to see if they need to be replaced. Now head to the store with list in hand of things to buy (try not to stray from your list) .

Here are some examples:

rubber gloves
spray bottles
mop and bucket or spray mop with extra pads
broom and dustpan
dust mop/Swiffer
sponges
glass cleaning cloths/microfiber cleaning cloths
vacuum/with attachments
trash bags
paper towels
toilet brush/toothbrush (small areas to clean)/scrub brushes
cleaning caddy or bucket (to carry supplies room to room)
carpet cleaner

Cleaning Supplies:

all-purpose cleaner
glass cleaner
anti-bacterial wipes or spray
furniture spray
floor cleaner
Magic Erasers
dish soap
bleach/Oxi-Clean
Dishwashing detergent
Carpet/upholstery cleaner
toilet cleaner/shower cleaner
laundry detergent
Candles/room spray/linen spray

Once you have your supplies it’s time to start. Its best to tackle one room at a time and do a thorough cleaning then what is normally done on your daily /weekly routines. Clean out closets, under beds, drawers, shelves, cabinets etc… I like to make a list of what each room needs so I can stay on task and its nothing more rewarding than checking things off a list. If you don’t have the time to make your own list, you can check out Pinterest for Spring Cleaning list that you can print. Once you have your list and your supplies (I also need a good music play list to get me going) start cleaning. Make sure to rid your home of anything that has not been used since last spring (if you haven’t used in a year you don’t need it) make a throw out bag and a donate bag. Take this time to rearrange furniture or art work. Buy new furniture, art, or décor to add to your space. When your room is clean (everything is checked off the list) take the trash and donate piles out of the room vacuum and light a candle/or add room spray for final touches. When this is done throughout the entire home you will feel accomplished, clean and renewed just in time to enjoy spring and summer.

Now to clean ourselves. I like to start with my cell phone. We add to our phones all throughout the year and if you are like me by spring the phone has a lot of unused apps and contacts/emails that you can clean out. So, start with your contacts go through and delete any that you no longer need or know who they are or people that have been duplicated. Clean out people you no longer want to speak with. If they are no longer in your contacts, you are more likely to not answer when an unknown number appears on your phone. Then hit the apps. Get rid of apps that you no longer use like old games or apps you tried because someone recommended it and you never used again. Now it’s time to clean out pictures we take so many pictures throughout the year but never go back to look at what we have or organize them. First go in and back up your photos to a cloud or home computer so if your phone crashes you have them (my phone does this automatically but just check to be sure). Next delete any photos that are not great or just unwanted and organize the photos based on events or dates, so they are easy to find (most phones do this for you with the right settings). Finally clean out your calendar/ reminders/ emails. If you are like me, you have multiple email accounts, and some tidier then others. Go in delete and organize emails/email accounts get rid of any that you don’t use. Same with any kind of reminder app go in delete all old reminders/ notes that are no longer needed.

Now that we have cleaned our space and our phones it’s time to clean our lives/souls. delete any friends or companions that you don’t enjoy their company. You should at this point have already deleted them from your phone now it’s time to delete them altogether. Stop making plans, stop accepting calls, stop going to any event in which you would have to deal with people who you are ridding yourself of. Overtime they will hopefully catch the hint and you no longer will have to be bothered with people who bring negative energy into your life. Next stop attending things you don’t want to attend. We have all been there you go to an event that you don’t want to and waste your day/time attending something you wished you had never attended. From now on just say “no” or “I’m not interested” spend your time on what you want. We spend so much time working and do things we don’t want to do that when you have that free time you shouldn’t waste it on things you dislike. Clean out all the bad energy in your life anything or person that brings negative energy into your life throw it out with the garbage its time to renew.

We have now purged our homes, phones, and lives. Now it’s time to enjoy spring and summer. Open the windows let in fresh air, plant flowers, make new contacts, try new things and live in the moment. Enjoy the sunshine and warm breeze and welcome new renewing energy into your home and life.

As always love you guys! I hope you enjoyed my spring-cleaning tips. Follow, Share, and Like for more Coffee & Conversation.

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Books and Music Review

February 23, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

Photo by Elviss Railijs Bitāns on Pexels.com

New Books to Feed Your Imagination and New Music for Your Ears

New year time to take new adventures with new books and listen to some great music while on the ride. Every year I set a reading goal with the Goodreads app. (great app by the way if you like to read) and this year is no different. I set my goal at 20 books to be read or listen to its all the same a story is a story no matter how you get it in. So far, I have indulged in two great books and one masterly done album. Before I jump in with my reviews first let me say that books and music are a matter of taste and just like pickles some love them some hate them it’s a matter of the palate involved.

I only have one album to review today. Not due to lack of music being released but lack of quality being released. I feel music has become very lackluster since the ’90 ‘s and that’s not saying good music has not been produced since then but its few and far between. My album review is for Papoose new album Underrated.

Image result for papoose underrated album

Here is a little background on Papoose AKA Shamele Mackie. He is a great lyrist (depending on your palate for music). Papoose is from Brooklyn NY he is married to fellow rapper Remy Ma. Papoose is known for his many mixtapes and underground music. For years fans have patiently waited for an album worthy of his talent (he has had two other albums 2013, 2015) and finally Underrated dropped this year. I have listened to this album non-stop since it was released. Finally, real rap!!! From the first track you hear his lyrical skill. No mumble rap here folks just pure lyrical skill. Two of my favorite songs on this album are “Numerical Slaughter” and “3rd Eye”. “Numerical Slaughter” shows his raw talent as he rhymes through numbers 1-9, he did something similar with “Alphabetical Slaughter” a song he presented to DJ Kayslay on Hot 97. “3rd Eye” reminds you of an old school rap song where he lays out things that are going on around us and gives his point of view. Finally, someone not just rapping about money, sex, drugs, or cars. This is old school rap where words rhyme, and stories are told through songs. He uses his skill and songs to talk about relatable topics meanwhile uplifting women, youth and keeping it positive. There is no promoting of popping Mollies, Perks or sipping Lean in his rhymes. You will not hear him demean women or rhyme about things that you would be too ashamed to listen to in front of your grandma, kids or anybody with delicate ears. This is rap as it should be pure skill and entertainment meanwhile telling a story we all can relate to. If you love rap and I mean real old school rap like Tupac, Biggie, Wu Tang etc… this is definitely an album worth listening too. I look forward to hearing more great work from Papoose and of course his equally talented wife Remy Ma. This album will be on replay for a while for me!

The first book I’m giving you the run through on is On the Come Up by Angie Thomas. Now if you read or went to the theaters to see The Hate U Give you are familiar with this up and coming great Arthur Angie Thomas captivated my attention and touched on great issues in the black community with The Hate U Give. So naturally when I found out she had a new book coming I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. I read this book in 9 days. Now if you know me, I’m a busy mom constantly on the go and working so to finish a book in 9 days you know it had to be good and this was I couldn’t put it down.

Image result for on the come up angie thomas

This book captured your attention right away by making you connect with Brie a 15yr old girl living in the Garden a low-income neighborhood the same neighborhood from the first book where a black male is killed for driving while black. Brie is a smart mouth, witty, don’t take no shit young women. She inspires to be a rapper but not only because of her love for rhyming but also to help get her family out the hood. You soon find out making it big is a must for Brie and her family to survive. She loves the Garden but hates what comes with living in such a place like gangs, bad schools, low income, no opportunities, and people who see you as nothing more than a hoodlum. You follow Brie through her ups and downs of her life. At one moment this book will have you cheering on her accomplishments and the next it will have you crying hoping things don’t get worst. On The Come Up touches on so many issues that many people young and old face in low income areas. This book is relatable if you have ever been or are still going through hard times due to low income, bad decisions, or poor opportunities being available to you because of where you live or the color of your skin. This is a must read even if you can’t relate to Brie it will open your eyes and give perspective on a life that many people in this world live. This book is classified as a Young-Adult book but it’s an excellent read for all ages and I look forward to seeing what exceptional work Angie Thomas writes next. Angie Thomas is undeniably a great writer. I will be keeping my eyes open for her next book because she is just getting started and I like where she is heading.

Now this next book I just finished was an audio book (still counts as reading). This book will only captivate the romance crowd. Lucky Suit by Lauren Blakely. This was an Audible Original so if you have an Audible subscription you can listen for free. This is a short story only about 20 or so chapters not much time invested if you are listening. Short or not this book gives you a just enough romance to get you intrigued in this Arthur and what other good books she may have to offer. Lucky Suit also makes you want to fall in love. It’s February still time to give cupid a shot.

You are introduced to Kristen Leonard a young woman that has been through her share of bad dates. She has tried blind dates, setups and none of them have amounted to anything but her feeling very unlucky and feeling as if cupid is missing his mark. Kristen decides its time to take her dating to a different level by trying online dating she is a believer in algorithms and is sure that with math and modern technology involved she can’t go wrong. Kristen is a lover of math, astronomy, and philosophy and looking for a man who loves all the same things. She is also very witty and has as grandmother who wants nothing more than her to be happy and in love even if it means her meddling. This book made me laugh and made me believe in love. I know this is something that could only happen in books or movies, but a girl can dream. This was a small shot of romance and comedy that you need sometimes. We see and have enough drama in life. Give me flowers, chocolates and a hot man to sweep me off my feet this will intrigue me enough to keep my head or in this case ears in a good book. I will be reading more books that Lauren Blakely has written to see if I can add her to my favorite authors list. She seems to have some steamy romance novels to fit all palates so check her out if you looking to get romantic and cupid is not working for you.

I hope you guys enjoyed my review on the books and music that I have been enjoying over the past few weeks. Let me know what music, books or other entertainment you have been enjoying so far for 2019 and don’t forget to LIKE, SHARE, and FOLLOW for more chatter from me.

Love you guys have a great weekend.

George R. R. Martin Quote Typed on Typewriter

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New Year-New You

February 16, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

2019 Year of Goals

Welcome to 2019. Yes, I know we are now in February I’m late as always(definitely something to work on). Anyone who knows me know that I’m always fashionably late to everything. So, it’s a new year and every year I come up with attainable goals for the new year. This year is no different. I was taught at a very young age setting goals help you to reach your dreams and also keep you working. So, with this new year started and well on its way I have set a few goals for myself.

GOALS

work out/join a gym
start a blog
say “no” more to have more me time
work on friendships (they are like plants they need attention)

These are only a few of my goals for the year I have more that are personal regarding my finances, marriage, family etc. but you get the point. I want to know am I old fashion? Do people still set goals at the start of a new year? How many goals, and are they usually attainable? Talk to me tell me your goals for the year. How do you make sure to stay on track with your goals? How do you teach your children about goals and setting them? and lastly how hard are you on yourself if you don’t achieve all goals by the end of the year?

I have over the years set goals that I never achieved and was so angry with myself that it caused me to let go of other goals and lose track of the goals I needed to finish. I was so fixated on the one or two goals that didn’t work out, I couldn’t focus. I have gotten better about setting attainable goals and not beating myself up when I don’t reach a goal. I personally think setting goals is a great way to achieve the success and happiness you want in life. I think goals help you stay on course and give you small milestones to help push you as you work towards something bigger. I also know that setting goals can lead to a lot of disappointment if you can never achieve what you set out to do. Overall, I think goals that are reasonable are great but may not be for everyone.

So, I say all of this to say I think looking at each year as a new chapter in a book where you can write what you want is a great way to be a new you. Set goals long term and short. Reward yourself when you achieve things that you set out to do. Write it out, make vision boards, or tell your partner so you can be held accountable for the work you put in or don’t put in throughout the year. Most of all Live, Laugh, Love and live in the moment. Don’t get so caught up with life that you forget to live. You never know how long your book of life will be so write like it’s your last page or chapter.

Love you guys have a great year and don’t forget to follow, comment and like the blog.

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“Fight or Flight”

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Spring. Clean Out the Old Bring in The New.

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New Books to Feed Your Imagination and New Music for Your Ears

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2019 Year of Goals

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