Woman vs Woman

June 26, 2019June 26, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

As women we endure so much. We carry, raise and nurture our children we support our men we are the backbones to our families; we are the shoulders for our friends to cry on and we are forever strong through adversity. Through it all most women never break or waiver (at least not in front of others). We are strong and fierce, but we have a hard time acknowledging other women and their strengths who are doing and going through the same struggles as we are. Have you ever been out, and a woman will stare at your clothing or your hairstyle as if she would like to give you a compliment, but she is afraid to? Why as women can we not support, compliment and love each other without rivalry or jealousy?

As a woman when I see another woman who is beautiful or is dressed nice my first thought is to compliment her, but all women are not approachable. So, women will give you the look of “what are you looking at” some will simply turn away while others will stare you down in a challenging way that makes you decide not to compliment. Why as women do, we do this? I think the answer comes from how we are raised and society standards for us. From as early as preschool most girls are taught to think you are much prettier than the next girl. Parents will often say “you are the prettiest” or “you are the best” not with the intentions of making you think you are better than anyone its usually terms of endearment and love. As we grow into young women and have our first heartbreak the first thing your friends and parents say when the boy chooses another girl over you is “his loss, you are better than her”. Now we also have TV and social media comparing women to each other constantly saying who whore it better, who is prettier, who has a man versus who don’t, and the list goes on. I think hearing these things constantly through your life as a girl to a teen to a woman makes you become naturally completive to all other women. It makes you see other women as the enemy or someone you need to out do in life. As a woman, mom and a wife whenever I’m with other women the first thing we do is talk about how our kids are better than the next woman’s kids or how we have a man and she can’t keep hers from straying or gossip about a complete stranger and how she is dressed or how her hair looks. This is the normal in most women groups no matter race, social status or age.

I watched an interesting show yesterday that touched on race and women interactions with each other touching mainly on black women and white women interactions with each other. The show was Red Table Talk hosted by Jada Pinkett-Smith on Facebook Live. On this show they discuss how and why women treat other women the way they do. This had me thinking about my own interactions with women both of my race and others and how do my interactions change based on race, age or social status. I can be honest and say that my treatment of women of other races is completely different from how I treat a woman of my own race. After careful thought on why I feel it’s because you feel a women of your own race can relate to race issues and struggles and have more sympathy for your struggles than women of others races but with that being said I also compete harder with women of my own race when it comes to looks and obtaining a man/dating. I think this thought is how can I compete with someone who has completely different characteristics than I do but the woman who looks more like me I can out do. This does not mean I don’t snub my nose at other women but the competitive drive increases if we are of the same race, social status and even age because now the playing field is leveled.

So as women how do we overcome this stigma of competing with our fellow mothers, daughters, sisters and strong women? Can we support the next women in her business endeavors or help when we see a fellow mother struggling with her kids in public versus shunning her and thinking she is just a bad mother who can’t control her kids.? Can as a strong woman we acknowledge we will lose no power by helping, advising and loving the next woman who has yet to find her powers? I ask these questions while affirming I need to do the same. We need to help build with other women not destroy, demean or snub our nose at because society does this enough without help from other women who understand and know how hard it is to be a mother, a wife, a working woman in a man’s world or just a backbone to bear the world’s problems. We should love each other as if this is your sister, daughter, mother or girlfriend because support is the best thing you can give anyone.

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Raising Queens in The Land of Peasants

April 7, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

Raising a girl to become a great woman of the world is a hard job and one that comes with great responsibility. In today’s world where looks play a vital role in how women are viewed how do you raise a girl into a queen who brings more to the table than just looks or a banging body? Raising girls challenge you in every way from teaching them to be strong and independent but also keeping their soft sensual side. Teaching them that brains are just as important as beauty but not getting lost when you don’t fit into societies mold of what beauty is. Helping the girl turn into a beautiful queen is laborious when at every turn she challenges your every move. This is a job for only the strong and only a queen can turn a girl into something that not only a man will love and adore but that the world will be captivated by.

I’m raising a daughter and there are so many things I need to teach her before she is ready for this world and ready to call herself a queen. I need to teach her things like how to sit properly when she has on a dress/skirt. How to speak up for herself but not seem demanding or overbearing. She needs to learn to be independent but still understand you can always ask for help and will always need people. She will learn things that are small but still important like how to apply makeup appropriately for the occasion and how to select the correct undergarment for the outfit you are wearing or something as small as the difference between dressing for business causal to cocktail occasions. All these things seem small and useless until you are a woman navigating the world and have never been taught these things. How many times have we seen a woman who has on inappropriate undergarments for what she is wearing or shows up to an event that requires after five attire in a sundress and we wonder why she doesn’t know any better? these are things that you must be taught and not only taught but demonstrated. As the mother to a soon to be queen I must teach and demonstrate all these things and more. My jobs as her mother and mentor has been and will continue to be for years to come to teach the young queen(my daughter) and help her to understand why we do these things not “just because I say so”.

I must also teach the young queen about men and how to deal with men. This job will also require the help of a man whether it’s her father, grandfather, uncle, brother, or any GREAT man that is in her life or all the above. As a woman there are aspects of the man I can’t teach, don’t understand and can’t show from a man’s perspective. We as women feel we can do it all, but we can’t some tools we just don’t possess. When picking the man to help lead the young queen he must have a certain character. This must be a man who carries himself as a king just like the queen you can’t raise royalty if you are less than. He must teach and lead with the qualities that you would one day want your daughter to find in a man or mate that she will one day share her life with. He also must lead by example of what a man should be. He needs to demonstrate to the young queen how a man treats a woman based on how he treats the women in his life, he needs to show her how a man leads his family and commands attention in the world. Now that you have an example of what a great king is for the soon to be queen now you must teach her how to command a mans attention. When raising a young queen in this world of half-naked, change your body, put on too much makeup and false hair women. We need to teach the queen how to command a man’s attention without demeaning herself. Teach her to have great self-esteem and love her beauty that was given to her and to accept her flaws because that’s what sets her apart from other queens. I will teach my daughter that a man is naturally attracted to women (if that’s his sexual choice) without anything extra so be yourself carry yourself with dignity, pride and respect and he will be captivated by you. Yes, men love the women who show everything and give away sex so easy but “anything worth having is worth waiting for” (author unknown). I will teach my daughter that a king/great man will want a great woman as his wife. Not the woman on Instagram showing off her assets and posing with her ass out. He does not want a wife that everyone in the world has had and can compare notes about. How can he treat you as a queen when you are laying with the peasants?

I want to raise my young queen to grow into an independent great queen who makes her own rules, money, and decisions in life. I will teach her that marriage is not required but preferred because sharing your life with a partner who is your best friend, confidant and lover makes life more manageable and happy. She will understand that independence does not exclude your partner it just means you don’t have to depend exclusively on your partner. She will also be able to look at herself every day and see greatness. This does not mean she will not see her flaws it just means she will embrace them as something that makes her different. As a great queen she will be taught to look at other women and be confident and comfortable enough in herself to compliment and except another woman’s greatness without feeling threaten. She will be willing to give compliments to another woman and be genuine with her compliments. My young queen will learn to exude sensuality without the need of showing off things that should be left to the imagination. She will have a great personality that will attract friends and people who will be happy to be in her presence and follow her lead in the world. To be a queen you must be a great leader not follower and people have to love and respect you in order to follow you.

So how do you raise your queen with all these great qualities? You must first post possess these qualities yourself. A person can’t teach great character if you have none yourself. Second you must lead by example. Show your young queen that you are not only teaching her these things, but you are her biggest example. Kids learn the most by emulating what they see. You as her mother her example and her queen can’t lead with the mind set ” do as I say not as I do” or “I’m grown you can’t do what I do” If you want her to become great lead a great example and exude confidence and greatness. I hear so many moms correct their children because they do things that are wrong like cursing, hitting, yelling to have their way etc.. but you do the same and they have learned from you this is the way to handle things because mom handles things this way. You must as the example practice what you preach, and I know it’s hard but as I said at the beginning this is not a job for the weak. now that you are leading by example it takes a village so remember to only allow people in your village who are following what you teach to have contact with the young queen. In royalty only the elite are allowed in the inner circle and you must think this way no bad examples should be allowed to be set for the young queen. Now I understand you have no control of the outside world and the contact it will have with your child but control what you can and when she steps outside the home, she will know how to conduct herself and who and what is worth her attention and what’s not. Provide your daughter with the best neighborhoods, schools, and activities that you can so you can feel that when she steps outside of your care, she is in the best that can be provided for her. If you provide all these things and the right upbringing the young queen will know she can come to you for advice or questions when she encounters things she doesn’t understand or things that are different then what she has been taught. You must also remember to listen to her when she speaks and use every moment to teach and nurture her mind. Understand what you are not willing to teach the outside world will. What you are not willing to talk about or listen to someone else is and they might give false information. Allow your daughter to experience as much as she can from travel, foreign languages, cultures, religions, music, books, etc… because the more she experience in the world the more she will understand and be able to relate to. How can you lead and have others follow if you only experience a small portion of what’s in the world? Let the young queen have the freedom to express herself within age appropriate boundaries don’t allow her to grow to fast (it’s painful). I tell my daughter all the time ” you have a small amount of life as a child and a large amount as an adult, be a child enjoy the kid side as long as possible”

Now that your queen has all the tools to become a great queen watch her grow and become a queen that you can be proud of and marvel at all that she has to offer the world. Watch as she falls in love and have a man/woman that will appreciate everything that she has to offer as a wife, friend and person. Watch as she creates her own lanes in life and mold the world to fit her greatness. You will beam with pride as your queen steps into your shoes as the queen, teacher, provider, and great woman of the world and you will be proud to say you help to conceive greatness. Love to all the queens in the world and to those who are up and coming.

“The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.”-Mohadesa Najumi

“She is water. Powerful enough to drown you soft enough to cleanse you deep enough to save you.”-unknown

Love you guys and hope you enjoyed the post-this is for my young queen-love you more than words!!

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“FIGHT OR FLIGHT”

March 31, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

“Fight or Flight”

As I was reading a book this saying came up “Fight or Flight”. It started to make me think how this can be applied to our everyday life. I’m a mother and with the tone of our country as of right now I find myself always having to explain something in the news to my daughter or teach her something based on what’s going on around us. One subject that I found that touched on this subject of “fight or flight” was teaching my daughter about giving and getting consent before touching or invading someone’s personal space. We have been talking about this subject due to several things in the news lately and I was explaining to her if someone disrespects you in anyway stand your ground speak up to not only that person but to others around you that might have witness it. We live in a time where people would rather witness and record than help and fight. I told my daughter to always speak up no matter the consequences or how scared you may be because must fight to be respected and running or “flight” from the problem will not solve it or teach the person to respect you in the future. As an parent also as a adult this “fight vs flight” lesson is hard to teach and even harder to do. How often as adults do, we take “flight” from a situation whether at work, our social life, family or out in the world because we are afraid of the outcome or reaction people will have. We are afraid to stand and fight for what we believe in because we don’t know what the outcome will be or if people will like us for our stand. I am always asked by friends, family members, and coworkers to fight (speak up) for them because I’m very strong willed and opinionated. Having someone fight your battles does nothing for you just teaches people you are weak and that they can take advantage of you when no one is around to fight for you.

We have arrived at this place of not fighting for our cause because the world today teaches us that fighting for what you believe or justice for yourself could cost you your career, money, your social status, your relationship and more. So many people are not willing to lose these things so they will allow people to treat them in any manner to hold on to things that mean so little when you have no respect or dignity. How many times in the media or in your life do you see someone accused of something and before the facts can be given and validated, we condemn them. I have witness people around me fight for what they believe in or fight to take a stand against an injustice just to be treated worst then the person/people that are causing the injustice. The world we live in today people like to believe in who is more popular or who has more social clout or more money. No one cares to wait for facts or evidence it’s like being in High School whoever is the most liked and has the most clout automatically gets the vote of being factual.

As people as mother and fathers as individuals we need to learn to stand our grounds and fight for what we believe in or what we want and teach our children to do the same. This means standing your ground no matter what the circumstance is whether it’s in public, work, social circles, family, religion etc.. We also need to learn to respect others fight. We don’t all have to be the same or believe in the same thing, but we do have to learn to respect others fight. Stop condemning people because you don’t understand, never been through, or can’t understand their fight. Instead try asking questions and learning and try to understand why this person is fighting, why this person feels the way they do, and how did things get to this point. Running (flight) from your problems will only cause more problems and before you realize it your problems are bigger than you can sometimes fight. So, learn to have “Fight vs Flight” in life. Side note the book I read that this thought grew from was “The Darkest Child” by Delores Phillips. It’s a great read and will inspire you to fight and stand for the things that life throws at you.

Have great day and don’t forget to comment, like, follow, and share for more blog posts.

Advice · family · Parent · Uncategorized

When Active Kids Kill Family Time. How Active is Too Active?

March 17, 2019 NeeLeave a comment

Photo by Lukas on Pexels.com

When does having an active kid become bad for family time? Now I know most parents would agree activity is great for kids versus sitting on the couch watching TV or playing video games but where should we draw the line with activity? Now I have a 13-yr old daughter who is very active with sports with everything from Martial Arts to Cheer and many other sports in between but I’m not going to lie its stressful at times and cost a small fortune but just like most parents I look at the benefits not the bad things. So, I started thinking how does the overactive kids effect family time long-term? and is it worth it? So, let’s talk about the pros of active kids

Keep kid fit/active
develop friendships/social skills
keep busy with structured activity
helps to develop talents/passions
learn to push yourself/discipline
help to relive overly energetic kids
build self-esteem
Improve job/school prospects
Learn new skills
Helps parents feel good that they are participating in kid’s activity/life

Now as a parent I can agree with all these pros and I can even say most are why I signed my kid up at the young age of 6 for her first sport which was cheer. I had a kid who had exercise induced asthma and I was looking for a way to help build her tolerance to activity without coughing spasms and sports especially outside sports seemed great. I can also agree it made me feel great as a parent that on Saturdays my kid was not just sitting in front of a TV eating snacks and I also was a proud mother every time she succeeded or learned a new skill. All these things are great for her and us as parents it opens up a whole new world for her with sports as she gets older and helps to build friendships outside of school for more social interactions but at what cost? Let discuss what too much activity can do…the cons

More friends= more playdates/birthday parties invite
poor eating habits
strain on family relationships/resources
low energy/sleep deprived
strain on school (grades, work, social interactions)
struggle with verbal and creativity

Now before anyone attacks me and say none of this is true this does not apply to every kid or every family but there are families who have several kids and these children are in several sports and most of this these negative things affect them. I will speak on my family and what the impact of having a kid who participates in multiple sports have on our family. The more sports or activities your kid joins the more friendships he/she will develop. This means more party invites, playdates, sleepover’s, gifts for holidays that need to be purchased and kids you must learn to keep up/interact with their parents. This becomes a job within itself. I can’t tell you how many kids over time I have met along with their parents and can’t remember how I know them or where I know them from. let’s not forget the parents you now have to deal with that you are not fond of but because your kid loves their kid you are instantly linked. Than the eating habits… it’s a lot of eating on the go if you are a busy parent this means a lot of trips to fast food or quick oven meals because you are home either late or leaving very early (kids in weekend recreational sports). So, you are no longer getting many homecooked meals with veggies/fruits just whatever you can feed your kid and you in the car fast or cook within 15min once at home. Yes I know if your kid is active all the carbs are not too bad for them but what about us parents who are just carting them around and sitting and waiting we are the ones losing because we are tired and eating a lot of junk that normally we wouldn’t eat but because we have no time or energy we consume it. Now its bed time and if your kid is like mine they have homework, showers, and bed time routines that now need to be done and we are already late getting home due to a meet or game that ran over or started late so now your kid and you are getting to bed late and rushing through study/homework time. This long term can cause so many issues in families because you are no longer sitting down as a family for dinner or family time so there is no discussing of your day or interactions with friends at school. So, if problems are arising at school socially you are not aware until they are pretty bad. Mom and Dad are having less time together and kids are having less time to just be kids and do things like play, create, think without being told to perform. The kids are having less time with friends or family members outside of their sports/activities because there is practice, games, meetings, etc.. These overactive kids are no longer spending time at Grandparents homes on the weekend, camping, riding bikes, watching Saturday morning cartoons they are too busy with sports and activity to enjoy normal kid activity.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not pulling my kid out of her sports or taking a hiatus but after reading a few articles on this and living it I know that having a very active kid has its pros and cons. In my family we only have one child and both her father, and I have jobs that are flexible enough to fit the activity schedule and still allow time for family time here and there. We try hard to sit as a family at least once or twice a week for dinner. We use the time in the car to and from sports to talk about the school day, friends, work day etc… Most sports are played through school, so we usually have the summer for family time. We try to utilize summer free days the most we can with things like going to the movies, travel and talking with our kid. I say all of this to say active or non-active kids and families need time to just enjoy and relax. Kids should not be required to be so overactive that they are not properly sleeping, eating and having a normal social life. Sports and activities should not be used to babysit your kid this is time for the kid to develop new skills or increase their level of a skills they have already. This is also a great way for social skill building outside of school but when you have a kid who is over worked, tired and agitated this does not work out well and just causes the kid, parents, coaches and team members to become irritated with your child(we have all seen it happen that one kid that no one likes to see show up). So, keep the kids active within their limits and only allow them to do sports and activities they enjoy not what you want them to enjoy. Also keep sports/activity within the family budget don’t go without or take away important things like family vacation to pay for sports/activity because it’s probably not that important to your child. You had your chance to be a kid let them enjoy theirs.

Enjoy your Sunday and don’t forget to Follow, Like and Comment. Love you guys.

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“Fight or Flight”

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